Headlight Anthology

Busby Berkeley was born in a barn

— Lucy Pauker

I know,
I know because I read it in his biography that I found
on the street and took home for the pictures but when I
cracked the cover this time it was my aunt’s name
written
top right corner and
not my own and
not a stranger’s
my aunt, who is constantly saying “I didn’t say that” since chemo and brain surgery
handwriting collapsed in on itself

Amy Pauker was born in a barn
I know,
I know because she was there when I was born and ever since has tried to tell
me the exact shade of my lips when I sucked in my first breath

Busby Berkeley was born in a barn and
sometimes I was too
especially when I rest my hands on the hot water bottle’s ridged rubber
until just uncomfortable then transfer them to my cheeks it’s the kind
of hot flush like pissing after swimming in a cold lake feeling the
extreme heat of a body that continue

Busby Berkeley was born in a barn

Busby: All it took was a homogenous quadrangle equa[t]ion

Amy: Yes

Busby: I think in shapes and formations

Amy: Yes

Couch: It was perfect

Busby: What was?

Amy: Yes

Busby: I cut in the camera

Couch: and it was perfect

Amy: Yes

Couch: I wrote my name in this book in ‘82

Amy: Yes

Busby: Yellow pieces of paper
pencil marks and notations

Couch: You’re full of it

Amy: Yes

I’ll meet you in the woods says Busby but we’re
afraid of the woods
instead we’ll sit by the fire a little longer use the
propane a little harder feel the power of four walls, a
roof and heat that rises

and Buzz is still there dancing at midnight
In 1982 and in 1973
at peace with the strange absence behind the couch
the uncanniness of the nightmare he is one with
belief
and he breaks it all down into a 1-2-3-4-5 step